REFOCUS
Use the phrase, “I am Yours and You are mine” as an affirmation of your relationship with God. Breathe in slowly and deeply on the first phrase and as you exhale, say the second phrase.
READ
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
John 15:15
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you”
Job 9:20
Though I be righteous, mine own mouth shall condemn me:
Though I be perfect, it shall prove me perverse.
REFLECT
A Phony Friend
We’ve all had them. Folks that we call our “friends” until they turn out not to be. Consider this story.
Samantha was a single woman who was on the fast track at her company. She was seen as a rising star with great potential. She was a hard worker and others generally viewed her as attractive and well-spoken.
Her studies and early career had consumed much of her life and in the last few years she had come to deeply desired a life companion.
Unfortunately, unlike her work were she felt fairly competent, she was quite insecure when it came to the opposite sex. She struggled to believe that she would find someone.
One day a new guy was hired at her work. She was smitten with Jerry from the outset. As she observed him; she found that not only did he have chiseled features, an athletic form and deep blue eyes that offset his jet-black hair, he was also intelligent, a hard worker and kind. Just the type of man she felt was interested in yet also felt was beyond her dreams.
One day while talking to a friend she happened to notice that he was looking at her. A little later he struck up a conversation with her in the break room. She was overjoyed when, after another conversation he asked if she would join him for dinner at a nice restaurant downtown.
She dressed her best and arrived a bit early. He was early too. They took a table, ordered some drinks and appetizers, and began to chat. After about 20 minutes something awful happened. Jerry reached into his coat pocket, pulled out his wallet and fished out two 50 dollar bills.
He laid them on the table and then excused himself saying, “I’m so sorry Samantha. This just isn’t going to work. Please have dinner on me.” Before she could think what to say she he was out the door and she was alone… again.
She quickly finished her drink, paid the bill and left for home. It was no consolation that the bill had left her with change. She felt terrible. It was still early so she decided to talk with a friend of hers – someone she had known at least since high school. She was looking for comfort but would have settled for some insight on what had gone wrong.
That’s when a disappointing night turned devastating. As she reviewed what had happened with her friend, her friend gave her neither comfort nor insight. Instead, she began to berate her.
“What made you think that this date was going to turn out any different than it did?” her friend asked. “After all, your pretty average looking -some might even say “plain.” In fact, if I remember correctly some of the boys in middle school used to call you “woofer.” And if he was looking for stimulating conversation, he wouldn’t find it with you.
No offense but you know how shy you are. He probably was bored out of his mind! You and I both know you’ve never been very good with men. Remember, Mark in the 10th grade? You really blew that one didn’t you? And what about Andrew at church? THAT was embarrassing!
You’ve got to remember – You’re at least 50 pounds overweight and your complexion is splotchy. Oh, and that job you’re stuck in. You try and work hard but the truth is that you are going nowhere fast.
On and on she went, until Samantha was so overwhelmed and so sad she gave up on the conversation and began to cry until she fell asleep – still in her clothes.
Now some of us, with a friend like this would have stopped the conversation, told her to be quiet and even moved on to find a better friendship. We would have recognized that, in fact, this was no friend and avoided her.
But Sam couldn’t do that. After all, they had been together for such a long time. But there was something else, even more important – would you find it easier to understand it if I told you that Samantha’s friend was herself?
I suspect that there are many who will read this fictional story and understand. As Job says, their “own mouth condemns them.” They are kind to others, encouraging them when they are down, seeing their value when others do not. They may even be Christians, full of wonderful words about God’s love and grace, and being made in His image.
But when they come to speak to themselves, they point out every flaw and build their shortcomings (real and imagined) into insurmountable obstacles. Sometimes they even imagine that God himself thinks and speaks of them with this same judgmental and critical vantagepoint.
Surely this grieves the heart of God. They are His children and the inner conversation they have with themselves is far from how even an earthly parent would look at his children. Learning to speak to ourselves with kindness, comfort and encouragement is another piece of the stewardship of self that God has called us to.
I’ve found that there are times when I am called to be my “own best friend.” I must tell myself the things that God says about me. According to His Word, I am chosen, blessed, loved and a delight. And those descriptions are just a small sample. Though I may find it difficult to believe, the list is long and deeply encouraging.
Jesus calls me his friend. If Jesus calls me his friend, should I not befriend myself? If I am called to be kind to others, then certainly I am called to be kind to myself.
After all, as Paul David Tripp writes, “No one is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you more than you do… The things you say to you about you, God, and life are profoundly important,” The question is, “Will you allow yourself, to befriend you?”
RESPOND
Questions to Consider
- Think of a place of discouragement in your life. What would a best friend tell you about that situation to help you?
- For some people this is difficult. Is it for you? What do you suspect likes behind that difficulty?
Prayer
This song captures the message of this devotional. It is by Andrew Peterson and can be found by clicking here.
Let God speak to you as you listen. Be Kind to Yourself
You got all that emotion that’s heaving like an ocean
And you’re drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else
I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart
Be kind to yourself, Be kind to yourself
I know it’s hard to hear it
when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind
are anything but kind
And you can’t believe your Father knows best
I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He’s shaping your heart
Be kind to yourself, Be kind to yourself
How does it end when the war that you’re in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too
You can’t expect to be perfect
It’s a fight you’ve gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath
and believe that I love you
Be kind to yourself,
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself,
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies
Blessings,
Rev. James R. Needham, PhD, MDiv