REFOCUS
Allow God’s Word to speak to you as you breathe deeply as say several times, “Peace, Be Still.” (Mk 4:39)
READ
Colossians 4:6
Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
1 Peter 3:15-16
15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6
Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
REFLECT
Grace and the Social Graces
When you were growing up were you ever admonished to “mind your manners?” I remember it on the lips of parents and teachers alike. I have to admit that I once jettisoned such admonitions as the quaint and stogy morality of a bygone generation. I’ve since changed my attitude even as manners and civility seem to become seen as increasingly unimportant in what has been called by Merrill Markoe in the Wall Street Journal a “renaissance of rudeness.”
Several years ago a pastor in Kingsport, Tennessee set up a website called “Sundays Are The Worst.” Its mission? To give a forum for wait staff to anonymously relay their experiences of rude behavior from Christians. The stories abound. Among them are accounts of patrons rewarding good service with chintzy tipping and “gospel tracts” that look like $20 bills substituted for actual money.
Some customers even suggested that the server’s relationship with God must be strained or non-existent since they worked on Sunday. They communicated that they felt justified in ignoring, speaking harshly to, or subjected them to an interrogation of their religious views in the name of “witnessing.”
Fortunately, research done by Cornell University’s School of Hotel Administration shows that this behavior is not the norm. On the whole, Christians are good tippers – their gratuities fall within the expected ranges, almost 18 percent, on average. Reports of lousy tipping likely stand out because they are so memorable. Still, the fact that stories of rudeness abound among food service personnel shows that these events make their mark in upsetting them and in discrediting Christians.
Such distressing behavior extends far beyond restaurant service. One can find it simply glancing at comments on social media or listening to the remarks of advocates of a variety of political views. It shows up in those who refuse to temper their words with objections that they don’t have to be “politically correct” and those who see little reason to curb their “blue” language.
Some Christians may wonder why this topic might be gist for a meditation. “After all,” they may reason, “isn’t tipping just a social convention – something made by humans?” They might argue that while violating social standards may be boorish, rude and offensive to others, it has little to do with right and wrong, as defined by God. They may even justify this by saying things like, “I don’t care what others think. The only thing that matters is what God thinks.”
Such statements beg the question of just what God does think. Paul tells us. His statement puts it simply, “love is not rude.” That understanding makes us aware that manners and social graces, while not being intrinsically matters of morality, are simple and basic ways one can show love. They demonstrate that the other person has value and is worthy of respect.
That respect, in turn, goes back to a fundamental conviction that each human being bears the image of God. Rudeness is, therefore, a violation of the foundational commandment of Jesus – “to love others as oneself.”
It may seem like a small thing. Yet, we should not be surprised that in this great chapter on love Paul includes manners. It is a reminder that the small and the simple often speak very loudly. If we can’t love at the level of adding an extra couple of dollars to our bill or curbing our offensive language how will we love in more weighty ways? If we insist on our right to say anything, no matter how cutting, how can we expect to be heard when we speak of the love of God?
Clearly, there are times to take a stand, no matter how unpopular or to make a point with salty language (examples of both occur in the Bible). Yet, if we are to build relationships we must learn to “watch our manners.” Being a Christian doesn’t excuse us from social graces; it heightens the need to practice them.
RESPOND
Questions to Consider
- In what specific, small and simple ways can I show respect today for my family, co-workers, and those who serve me?
Prayer
The song “They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love” was a popular anthem of the 1970s “Jesus Movement.” The second verse speaks of a commitment to “guard each man’s dignity and save each man’s pride.” Read it through prayerfully as a personal declaration to follow Christ by loving others. Then pray for those people and situations you have identified above.
We will work with each other,
we will work side by side;
We will work with each other,
we will work side by side;
And we’ll guard each man’s dignity
and save each man’s pride.
And they’ll know we are Christians
by our love, by our love
Yes, they’ll know we are Christians
by our love.
Blessings,
Rev. James R. Needham, PhD, MDiv