Harsh and Dreadful Love
It is fashionable, especially among religious folks, to talk of love. It would be an unusual person indeed who wouldn’t see loving as a wonderful goal. And yet Dostoevsky’s classic story, “The Brothers Karamazov,” illustrates how difficult love can be. It reminds the reader that loving often means making hard choices – ones we may not want to make.
In the story, Dostoevsky writes – about a wealthy woman who, in her search for God, visits an elderly monk. The monk tells the woman that he can’t give her an airtight intellectual argument that will prove God’s existence to her. The proof, he tells her, will instead arise in her heart as she begins to love and serve others. If she will begin to actively love others, God will become real to her. She will know His presence and character through loving service.
As the woman considers what he has said, she remembers that she has, in fact, sometimes felt drawn toward dedicating her life to God. She envisions herself taking vows of poverty in order to serve the poor. Yet, as she begins to focus on the joy of a new life, one of serving others and finding God, another thought interrupts her commitment: She imagines the people she will be serving and realizes that some might not recognize her caring. Some might even be ungrateful. They might even complain – that the bread she has sacrificed to bring them is stale or that the soup isn’t warm enough. Perhaps they would return her kindness with entitlement or even contempt.
These thoughts are too much for her to bear. The good intentions she had at first are overcome by the awareness that she could never face that kind of disrespect. In a moment she is back where she began – her dreams of serving God and others are dashed and she is, once again, wondering if there is really a God.
Reflecting on her condition, the wise monk says, “Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing – compared with love in dreams.” The wise monk knew that it is much easier to love in dreams, thought and words than in real life. Practicing love requires sacrifice and that, in turn, requires emotional and spiritual maturity.
This passage from 1 John tells us that it is impossible to love God unless we love one another. John also reminds us that to God, love is not simply thoughts or words. No matter how lofty or sweet they sound, love is found not in words but in action. Moreover, it is found in sacrificial action. Jesus stands as the prime example of love as He “lays down His life” for us. By His “harsh and dreadful” sacrifice, we know what love is. This makes God real to those who seek Him. No lofty words or thoughts can measure spiritual maturity. True spirituality is found in following His command: to love as He did.
How would you like to see God revealed in those relationships? What “harsh and dreadful things” might love require from you in these relationships? We are called to sacrificial love
—James R. Needham
Real love, the kind that reveals God to us and through us, is not sentimental or soft. It’s sacrificial. It costs something. It’s found in serving those who may never thank us, forgiving those who may not change, and showing up for people who disappoint us. This kind of love is not natural—it’s supernatural. It is where God is most clearly revealed.
The apostle John tells us we cannot love God if we do not love each other. And love, he insists, isn’t found in words or feelings, but in actions—especially costly ones. As we follow Jesus, who laid down His life for us, we’re called to do the same. Not just in theory, but in practice. So ask yourself: How would you like to see God revealed in those relationships that are hard, messy, or disappointing? And just as honestly, what “harsh and dreadful things” might love require from you in those relationships? May you find the courage to love beyond comfort, and in doing so, discover the presence of God made real. —DH
—David Hoskins, Founder & Care Guide, Sanctuary Clinics