The Safety of Integrity
“Is this person the same on the inside as he or she seems to be on the outside?” Children ask this about their parents, students about their teachers, employees about their supervisors, patients about their physicians, and citizens about their political leaders. When the answer is yes, we relax, believing that we are in the presence of integrity and feeling secure enough to invest ourselves in the relationship and all that surrounds it. But when the answer is no, we go on high alert. Not knowing who or what we are dealing with and feeling unsafe, we hunker down in a psychological foxhole and withhold the investment of our energy, commitment, and gifts.
—Parker J. Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness
We all long to know that the people we trust are the same on the inside as they appear on the outside. When someone’s words, actions, and inner character align, it creates safety. In that kind of presence, walls come down—we feel secure enough to open up, to give our best, and to lean into the relationship. Integrity isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being real and consistent, even when life is hard.
But when there’s a gap between appearance and reality, we instinctively go on guard. We protect ourselves, hold back, and keep our hearts hidden. Jesus modeled the kind of authenticity that invites trust—what He said and what He did flowed from the same heart. In recovery and in relationships, being genuine builds bridges. Choosing honesty, even in small ways, can help others feel safe enough to step out of their foxholes and walk with us toward healing. —DH
—David Hoskins, Founder & Care Guide, Sanctuary Clinics